Friday, January 22, 2010

Thinking out loud...

I'll admit I started blogging because I wanted to do more with my kids and by blogging about it, I would have something to reflect upon. Taking pictures of an activity in progress and the completed result was like memory keeping but lately I've realized that it was something completely different.

I've always thrived on praise. As a Nanny and early childhood educator, I put lots of thought into the craft and activities I did with the children but it was the compliments from parents that gave me the best feeling - rather than the shared enjoyment with the children. I wanted to impress. I know the interests of the children were very important to me but when a child might have been happy to randomly glue paper on paper or do a regular painting with paint and brushes - I wanted to achieve something bigger and better.

As a parent, there is of course no employer giving back pats and compliments. This is something I have found hard in my 10 years of parenting. I now see that by blogging crafts and activities, I was needing something to show me that I am a good Mom and that I do fun things with my kids. Does a 30 minute glue/paint extravaganza make me a better Mom than the little to no arts and craft Mom who snuggles and reads endlessly or includes her child in every day chores by her side? Absolutely not.

I see now that the moments I need to cherish are the moments in between the day to day activities. A trip to the zoo is awesome but a quiet stroll along the local trail enjoying the peace and chit chatting with no distractions is far more intimate. The crafting might give a cool result but the snuggle on the couch watching the snow fall outside shows a child you have no place you'd rather be at that minute.

Blogging is about sharing thoughts and ideas and sharing moments with people, not wanting the follower count to go up to feel successful or obsessing when the follower count goes down, wondering what I did to lose their interest.

I really want to get blogging again but I want my reasons to be more true. If we do an activity - it will be because the moment was there and not manufactured. I ceased blogging in part, because I was trying so hard to think of new ideas that I couldn't think of anything at all. T1 is in school full time and enjoys spending time alone when he comes home, or is doing homework.T2 is in school too and as an independent four and a half year old, wants to craft and create in her own way, not Mom's.

More Mom Time is going somewhere, which direction that is...... well let's leave that to those who earned me the title of Mom!!


eidolons said...

I think you're an amazing and brave woman to be able to admit these things to yourself and strive to "do better." I, too, have had to question my motives in a lot of things. It's a rough struggle, but our kids are more than worth it.

Rebecca said...

You are awesome!

A said...

Thanks ladies : )

Michelle said...

I look forward to seeing which direction you take.

My biggest blogging issue is remembering to take the photo, and document the story.

Crumbs said...

i totally relate!

btw- i bookmarked your blog when i first found it so it could remind me to enjoy my boy's helped!

Rachel H. said...

I don't know you or even recall how I ran across your blog- but if you ever decide to stop blogging- please please please keep your website up! You have some fun and fabulous things to do with kiddos and I love pulling ideas off your blog for my son's preschool/playgroup that we have.